I tried to write in February, I really did. I sat down multiple times trying to express my thoughts but I just could not get any words out. It isn’t because there was nothing to say, on the contrary there were so many things happening, that honestly, it overwhelmed me.
It was the first time I sincerely felt like giving up, putting down the pitchfork and packing it all up.
This farm life isn’t always joyful, there are times it can be pretty tough. The reality can be sickness, death and lonliness. February was all those rolled together and a bit more. We lost a duck, (one of my favorites) to a bald eagle attack and two more got sick and died. We also got, for us, a lot of snow. We are used to lots of rain and an occasional inch or two of snow, but this was 8 inches that made everything harder including the loneliness. When you begin your life on a farm you plan for many things, but the isolation you may encounter can be an unfriendly surprise.
I mean, it’s hard enough to leave when everything is going well but, it is just about impossible when you are managing your animals in the snow and the eagles are looming about like a huge dark cloud hanging over your dream wanting to devour it. I don’t like to admit I am feeling down or in any way negative about life in general, so it’s extremely hard for me to share this in such a public way. My heart wants to look for the best and encourage others to find their joy in the simple things we all can be grateful for. Even though it is difficult, I know it’s important to be authentic and honest as I communicate my experiences. Painting a picture of a perfect and easy life is not only deceptive, it can be discouraging to those who are comparing their own situation and struggling to attain such an impossible likeness.
So, I am determined to take off this February face and shed the gloomy melancholy that has permeated my attitude and emotions for the past few weeks. I realize there is so much to look forward to: spring and sunshine, baby goats, fresh garden vegetables, the list goes on and on. I am going to focus on the good things and not the bad (like having to wrangle two naughty and stinky male goats that just broke out of their pen and are attempting to join the lady goats). If you are wondering… yes, that just happened.
It’s may be a challenge but here’s hoping to a much improved March face.