Summertime Blues and Greens

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Well, hello again. I know, I know, it has been awhile. I have repeatedly reminded myself that I am supposed to be writing on a regular basis and staying on top of this blogging thing. The problem is this: I have a farm and it gets a little crazy around here. At present there are 35 ducks, 33 chickens, 12 goats, 3 geese, 3 rabbits, 2 cats and 1 dog who reside on our farm with us. These characters require a great deal of our time and attention. It’s a full time job year round, however summer is downright exhausting.

In the Pacific Northwest we have to make up for the short hours of daylight through the winter.  We look forward to summer when the days are drier and the sunlight lasts much longer to get a large portion of farm work done. At the season’s peak the sun doesn’t set until almost 10pm and we make the most of our time planting, building, repairing and protecting it all from bugs, predators and the sometimes bi-polar weather conditions.

This year July was drizzly and cool with the occasional day or two of blaring heat scattered here and there. This inconsistency made gardening a little challenging to say the least. Each summer day offered a new opportunity of problems to solve, we were constantly battling slugs, aphids and birds to protect our herbs and veggies. While the pumpkin patch was hit hard and the cauliflower was a complete loss we still managed to end up with a thriving garden.

There was a point in the middle of this hectic season that I found myself getting discouraged and a little bummed out. The summertime blues as you will. The drizzly and  cool days spoiled more than a few plans and put a damper on my mood. Then one day I pulled into our driveway after a trip to town and discovered a peacock in my front yard and my outlook began to change. This ostentatious bird was strutting around as if he owned the place. He spent a couple months flirting with the goats and chickens while displaying his glorious tail feathers as if he was doing us all a great favor. He honked and made loud, distressing calls that drove Farmdog crazy.  I am also pretty sure he snipped off most of my sunflower shoots and bean sprouts but despite it all, I liked having him around. He seemed to be a living piece of art and we enjoyed his presence on our farm.

I don’t know where the peacock came from, it was a mystery we never solved. He graced our summer with his beauty and gave us a bouquet of his tail feathers to keep. He left just as abruptly as he arrived. It would be easy for me to be downhearted about his departure, the same way it was almost impossible to fight the discouragement from the lack of sunny days, my garden disappointments and the exhausting work load. “Almost impossible” and yet somewhere in the middle of it all I made a decision to fully embrace and enjoy each day for what it was. I challenged myself to notice and be grateful for all the good things around me.

It isn’t a simple feat to look past bug infested Brussels Sprouts to appreciate the thriving  cucumbers and the abundant flower garden or embrace a difficult lesson from a hard loss as a valuable gift but it is a worthy endeavor. Applying a sunny outlook to the blueish hues of disappointment enables the ability to see the green of new life and growth happening within and all around us. This summer hasn’t been what I expected it to be, but I’m glad. I have gained so much more by choosing to see the difficulties and problems as an opportunity to grow stronger, deeper and more grateful each day.

The adventure isn’t reaching the end destination but in the journey to get there.

 

 

 

A Change of Face

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I tried to write in February, I really did. I sat down multiple times trying to express my thoughts but I just could not get any words out. It isn’t because there was nothing to say, on the contrary there were so many things happening, that honestly, it overwhelmed me.

It was the first time I sincerely felt like giving up, putting down the pitchfork and packing it all up.

This farm life isn’t always joyful, there are times it can be pretty tough. The reality can be sickness, death and lonliness. February was all those rolled together and a bit more. We lost a duck, (one of my favorites) to a bald eagle attack and two more got sick and died.  We also got, for us, a lot of snow. We are used to lots of rain and an occasional inch or two of snow, but this was 8 inches that made everything harder including the  loneliness. When you begin your life on a farm you plan for many things, but the isolation you may encounter can be an unfriendly surprise.

I mean, it’s hard enough to leave when everything is going well but, it is just about impossible when you are managing your animals in the snow and the eagles are looming about like a huge dark cloud hanging over your dream wanting to devour it. I don’t like to admit I am feeling down or in any way negative about life in general, so it’s extremely hard for me to share this in such a public way. My heart wants to look for the best and encourage others to find their joy in the simple things we all can be grateful for. Even though it is difficult, I know it’s important to be authentic and honest as I communicate my experiences. Painting a picture of a perfect and easy life is not only deceptive, it can be discouraging to those who are comparing their own situation and struggling to attain such an impossible likeness.

So, I am determined to take off this February face and shed the gloomy melancholy that has permeated my attitude and emotions for the past few weeks. I realize there is so much to look forward to: spring and sunshine, baby goats, fresh garden vegetables, the list goes on and on. I am going to focus on the good things and not the bad (like having to wrangle two naughty and stinky male goats that just broke out of their pen and are attempting to join the lady goats). If you are wondering… yes, that just happened.

It’s may be a challenge but here’s hoping to a much improved March face.

The Best of 2018

This past year on the farm was filled with so many highs. Of course there were a few lows as well but I don’t really think you can fully appreciate all the best things in life without the contrast of those low points. I suppose it’s the storm before the rainbow that allows us to fully appreciate it’s wonder.  2018 was truly wonderful and full of wonder!IMG_1231

We started the year deep in mud as is usual for us in the Pacific Northwest, it may not always be fun dealing with the muck but it does provide some great photos.

February gave us a little break with some snow!

I am pretty sure Farmdog napped most of the month of March!

but we did enjoy a few sunny days…. its not all rain and snow here.

April was all about the ducklings… and watching them grow!

and Farmdog was still finding lots of time for those naps.

In May we planted a garden, collected eggs, raised meat chickens and milked goats.

We actually milk goats year round …. but the days are getting longer now, so I have more day time and that allows me more time to take pictures.

In June we hatched a tiny Call Duck and some Serama Chicks

and our garden was doing great, we even added a pumpkin patch.

but most exciting for me was finishing my first book!img_1216

In July Buttercup delivered triplets…

We started having our farm to table dinners…

and Farmdog was still getting those naps in.

and Orange Cat has this napping habit as well…

In August Gilly delivered twin doelings

It was our most difficult birth we have had on the farm. Our first doeling was breach but was a strong girl. Her sister had a cleft palette and was unable to survive. It was a hard experience but we learned a lot. We decided to keep Gilly’s surviving doeling “Millie” in our herd..img_4411

We also added two new barn kittens “Jake and Abby” to the farm.

In September the pumpkins were really growing

and so were the kittens and their relationship with Farmdog

and I had my very first book signing.booksigning

In October we welcomed our very first grandchild “Harper Mae”

I turned the big 5-0…and it’s ok… really Fifty is just a number.

We harvested A LOT… and made CHEESE and gathered so many eggs I still don’t know what to do with them all!

November was filled with family visiting from out of state. Meanwhile the kittens and Millie were getting bigger, and our little Harper Mae as well.

With the cooler weather comes the bread baking… which causes the waistline to grow bigger as well. But, I have to say it’s definitely worth it.

November was a time to slow down a bit , enjoy family and be Thankful. For the first time I think in forever I decorated for Christmas before Thanksgiving… and then it was DECEMBER:

It’s been a great year and we are incredibly grateful and looking forward to the amazing opportunities we will encounter in 2019. I’m pretty sure Farmdog will still be taking those naps… img_1546

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Hay Hooks and Happiness

IMG_3880Last week I was in a rush to get my farm in order so I could travel to Southern California for four days. Spring is an insanely busy season with a myriad of tasks to do but my daughter-n-law was presenting her dissertation to receive a hard earned doctorate at USC. We were adamant that we were going to be there so; there was nothing else to do but get things in the best order we could before we left.

It isn’t easy to leave 28 ducks, 24 chickens, 8 goats, a rabbit, a cat and a farm dog in someone else’s care. No matter how much you plan, organize and prepare it isn’t enough. You can make lists and try to imagine every scenario but eventually you have to set those work gloves down and go. Leaving really isn’t the hardest part for me, it is setting aside the cares to really be present and enjoy the moment. It has been my goal to slow down, be aware and conscience of the lessons to be found in my daily tasks and endeavors.

The day before we left I still had a long list of to do’s, which in the past might have been the cause of an emotional breakdown. Since I didn’t have the luxury of a good cry I chose to put on a smile, pull on my boots and set out to overcome my mountain of chores. It was when I was unloading hay bales from the back of my pick-up truck, the realization of being a legitimate farmer hit me. Hay hooks in hand I lifted each bale out and placed it in a nice stack with the same simple joy my children had with their building blocks when they were young. I was a enveloped in a moment of complete happiness.

We live in a world obsessed with labels, brands and titles that define and give us value.  We can allow others to choose what we are called and how we should feel about ourselves. At least that is what I used to do when I stumbled along in search of a validated identity.  I know now I am a farmer, I always have been in my heart. I am a planter of seeds and a guardian of the herd. It no longer matters to me if anyone agrees with me or the fact there are others who have done it longer and have more experience, for that is not the point. I am a farmer, I am also a wife, mother, friend, artist and so much more. We do not need to define ourselves, we are, who we are. I do what I do because I love it and sharing it with others is fulfilling.

I left for my trip with a new found assurance and a peace which enabled me to relax and enjoy my time away. I think farmers understand that there are too many factors out of one’s control to ever fully prepare for. You should work hard to do what you are able to and then take the time to enjoy what and who you love. Life is an adventure to embrace and experience fully without being afraid of what could happen or the opinions of others.

While we were away we did lose a chicken and a goat got her head stuck in a feeder but  I gained so much more by learning to give each moment the full attention it deserves.

 

Petals and Thorns

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It’s May! Yay! Those April showers certainly have brought the flowers and with them the blackberry  bushes. I have a love/hate relationship with those vines. Yes, they do provide the most wonderful berries in which I will gather and devour along my morning walk in the next few weeks. Those same vines are viciously cruel, leaving me looking as if I was dropped into a pit of wet and angry feral cats. It does not matter how careful you are, those beastly thorns will find the most vulnerable unprotected patch of skin to torture.

When we purchased our property two years ago it was wildly overgrown, there are still areas on our five acres that we have yet to set foot on. It’s been a battle with hedge clippers and a lawn mower but I am gaining ground. I am using all the tools I possess to claim my land and my future. Along with the multitude of scratches, cuts, and painful thorns embedded in my tender flesh are the lovely hidden surprises uncovered as I subdue my little plot of earth. Yesterday my prize was a tiny purple flower standing defiantly lovely in contrast to it’s prickly confinement. This kind of beauty is what compels me forward despite the pain I might endure.

Farmlife, as in all life is, is full of these moments where joy and pain walk hand in hand.  Last month we watched as one egg out of twenty miraculously hatched after 46 days of not so patient watching on my behalf. I had finally given up and decided to discard the last two eggs from the nest when I heard peeping coming from one of the eggs. I rushed to replace the egg to the nest before it’s mama returned and the next morning I was rewarded with the smallest little fluff of yellow I had ever seen. Joy! My hope fulfilled!     I made the decision to leave the duckling and entrust it to the faithful duck who had set there so long for this little lone survivor to hatch. I returned to find it’s tiny form cold and lifeless on the ground, it appeared to unsuccessfully follow it’s mother outside the shelter. Death and loss is always painful, even a tiny duckling not fully one day old can have an impact on one’s heart. Life can be brutal as well as beautiful.

It wasn’t even a full week later that another lone survivor duckling hatched , this time from our incubator. We had started with ten eggs but only four started developing. I had  begun to lose hope when a mistake on our sensor placement caused the temperature to rise higher than it should. Against the odds, this little one made it and the joy of this triumph was made just a little sweeter in contrast to the dismay I felt earlier in the week. Trials, pain, disappointments and such are the black lines in a painting that define and enhance the colors of our life. Hope and patience to wait for beauty in the midst of pain and loss is the intrinsic nature of a farmer. It takes faith to place those costly, diligently thought out seeds in the ground and wait for the fruit of their labor. So many factors are out of our control and yet there is no victory in life without taking risk and doing the hard work. Our labor may be painful and the risk come with a cost but we will not gain anything of true value without it.

I may be tenderly typing this entry with sore, berry bush thrashed hands but; I do have a renewed passion and gratitude for my life and that my friends is worth it.

 

 

Lucky Ducks

luckyducksThe last four weeks of my life has centered around ducks. I really didn’t mean to go from 7 ducks to 28 in less than a month but “hey, things happen right?”.  We were on nest watch 2018, (as our Call Ducks hens were sitting on their eggs) when the brilliant idea to take home 6 ducklings from our local Tractor Supply popped into my head. We were actually at the store to purchase an incubator for some of our fertile Pekin eggs but 28 days was just too long  for me to wait for ducklings to hatch. To be honest we weren’t even sure if the Call Ducks would be successful. So, little peeping box in hand I arrived home with my first batch of ducklings and set them up in our bathtub.

It was just a couple days later that I realized I needed some additional females for our  adult Pekin duck males. My poor girls were just overwhelmed with the overabundant ardor directed at them and needed some relief from those two Don Juans. We got up early last Saturday and took the hour drive to a poultry auction with the task of finding our guys some new ladies. There was only one cage of females and they were dirty and definitely needed some care. The compassionate and competitive part of my nature squashed any of the practical aspect in my decision making process, I knew without a doubt that lot #3134 would be coming home with me. With a steely no-nonsense expression I raised my wrinkled index card with number 143 written on it and battled another bidder until for $7 a piece those 4 scraggly ducks were mine. In addition, I also  took home 6 more ducklings and a Welsh Harlequin drake to solidify my status as a crazy duck lady.

In farming as in all endeavors it is best to be practical and think things through before acting. There are, as in all decisions made, the consequences of those actions. From the beginning of this Smith Farmhouse experiment I have brought home animals before we were fully prepared for them. These choices have contributed to some crazy, pull it together moments I won’t soon forget. I am learning to slow down and plan more thoughtfully through the details. It is best to do your homework before the you take the test if you know what I mean. Doing so makes the process less stressful for everyone. Farming has taught me to plan wisely with the future in mind and not entirely with my emotions in haste.

With that said, there are those special times where you have to listen to your heart and take a chance on a long shot. If you do, you might find yourself a lucky duck.. or four or  even more!

 

All My Ducks In A Row

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I recently pulled into my driveway to find my four Pekin ducks napping in a perfectly spaced out row. For a person such as myself who likes things orderly, I was first delighted and then equally dismayed. I had the realization I would definitely not get a close up without at least one duck head popping up and ruining my shot. Knowing time was of the essence, I quickly grabbed my phone (with the still shattered screen) and snapped two fast shots before the ducks became aware of my surveillance and decided to move on to their next activity.

Farmlife is amazing, so far it is all I ever dreamed it would be and more, it is also a constant battle to stay focused and organized. There is always a new problem to solve, a mess to clean and something that needs my attention. It is not much different from the days of homeschooling my three kids when they were children. I remember the feelings  of inadequacy and unpreparedness I had then. They often rose up within and had the capability of sending me into a spiral of excessive activity and frenzy in an attempt to overcome the fear of failure that always seemed to be chasing after me. I admit it…I struggle with wanting to be perfect, but I know I am not. I hate making mistakes… but I have made many and I still do… a lot. I wish I could tell my younger self to relax and breathe; to not worry so much about perfection but to embrace and enjoy the process.

The lessons I have learned from my many failures, mistakes and blunders have been so valuable in my journey to get to where I am today. I no longer allow fear to restrain me, I am taking risks and pursuing the endeavors I have put off for so long. I can’t take back the time wasted in mindless worry and regret but I can look forward to what is ahead : being a grandparent for the first time, finishing my first children’s book , growing our farm and whatever other new and exciting adventure comes our way.

I may have ducklings in my bathtub, a farm dog sleeping in my bed and straw showing up in the strangest places but; I finally got all my ducks in a row.

I got the picture to prove it!

 

Here Comes The Sun

DaisyDaisy  Sunshine, a delightful gift to the soul. After all the rain and mud throughout our Pacific Northwest winter, a beautiful spring-like day in mid March is like seeing a beloved friend return after a long trip away. We have had two such days and everyone on the farm has a dreamy, eyes half-closed expression on their face. The goats are standing in the field slowly chewing their cud, the ducks and chickens are dozing in sun lit patches of dry ground and we all seem to share a corporate gratefulness of the moment.

The rain will return and I am compelled by the thought that I should make the most of this opportunity to do something productive. Even though I love being responsible and getting things accomplished; I really just want to lay on a blanket and dream of the wild daisies that will be popping up shortly. Spring will be here in a couple weeks followed by the long days of summer. Projects and activities will fill morning till night and I will find myself once again dreaming of the those cozy winter evenings cuddled up with a good book.

The cycle of seasons can affect us like a merry-go-round or a ferris wheel; we can get caught in a whirling spin that makes us dizzy or we can permit them to lift us up and give us an elevated perspective. As much as I enjoy the crazy, knot in your stomach feeling from spinning; I think I am going to take a cue from the animals around me and enjoy the moment. It is a lovely day to sit in the warmth of the sun and reflect on the wonderful things I have absorbed from a variety of life’s experiences. I have learned, time taken for reflection and rest is not wasted time; It is a rewarding endeavor that can enable us to move forward with a new inspiration or renewed purpose.

Now, I think I will go find that old blanket.

 

Something Great

flowerfieldpage2Buttercup has to hurry up wherever she goes;

she misses the flowers right under her nose.

 I was recently asked a question regarding what kind of legacy I was leaving to the next generation. This simple inquiry of life’s purpose forced my mind into a hyperactive state of self-examination and evaluation, which honestly overwhelmed me. I can’t remember a time in my life I wasn’t pursuing a way to accomplish some type of great achievement.   I know now this compelling drive was fueled by a desire to feel valuable, which meant most of my life was engaged in an exhausting race to attain self-worth.

Moving to our little farmhouse has allowed me the opportunity to step out of the always discouraging pattern of striving to achieve “Something Great” in order to feel worthwhile. My pace of life is slower on the farm and I am able to see the beauty around me much more clearly. There are new discoveries daily which inspire a natural passion and creativity to flow from a place of authenticity. The quest for self-worth has been replaced with a journey of joy in expressing the awesome wonder that surrounds me.

I now have the time to write and illustrate my children’s books; I am able to pour myself out; and into a worthwhile expression of my heart. I enjoy being creative but I have been so often discouraged by feelings of inadequacy in the past. My current motivation is different than before I had my farm, I actively choose to participate in what is truly valuable instead of pursuing the feeling of importance. I once chased after ideas trying to grasp at doing “Something Great”; I am now choosing to live “Something Great” and just BE……………. Be grateful, be joyful, be loving and kind. I want to notice the flowers in front of me and magnify the wonder in that simple moment. It may seem a small thing but if it is my legacy to pass on, I will be greatly satisfied .

 

 

The Beauty of Perspective

A couple weeks ago I hurried inside to grab my iPhone so I could get a picture of one of the animals doing something funny or adorable, a normal thing I do quite often I confess. Unfortunately, right after taking the photo, I set said phone on top of a slanted rabbit cage and walked away. I am sure my thought was to complete whatever task I had been doing before I had been distracted by a silly farm animal a moment before and then come right back. I don’t know how long it took before it hit me, the stop dead in your tracks, gut clenching realization that I had done something really stupid. I ran back to where I had left my phone to see it lying screen down on the rocks where it had fallen.

For a just a split second I held on to the hope it could possibly be unscathed and reached down to retrieve it. Oh but there it was, the inevitable consequence of my lapse in good judgment: a spiderweb configuration of cracked glass across my screen. A deep sigh escaped from the pit of my being and then came the stages of grief in quick waves of anger, denial, and acceptance. It is an annoyance to be sure when something we use so often is lost or damaged but when it is the result of  carelessness there is a distinct saltiness added to the wound.

It has been my nature to steam roll through things in the past, to rush and get things done. In setting my mind towards being productive I have missed so much along the way. When I decided to document here the experiment of following my dream, I purposed to slow down and pay attention to the details. I don’t enjoy failure, but I am learning there is a beauty in the perspective you can gain from it. A few days after my phone incident as I was waiting (somewhat patiently) in our truck for the windows to defrost, the warmth of the sun created a familiar cracked pattern to cross my view. I captured this photo of the cracked ice window with my shattered phone to remind myself that the right perspective can reveal to us, the true beauty in our lives.

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